The Feline Philosopher's Muse

the new blog is up!

2008-06-12T19:41:00.002-04:00

For anyone who happens to stop by here, the new blog finally made its debut last month. Took much longer than I anticipated, but better late than never, no?

So go check her out. Okay?

Think Outside The Piggy Bank

what?!

2007-10-18T16:14:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in nearly a month? I hadn't realized it'd been that long!

Well, as some of you know, I started a part-time job at the end of September that has me working 12-hour shifts every Saturday and Sunday. I'll give you a minute to let the reality of that sink in, snort. Needless to say the adjustment has been a bit difficult and is still ongoing, and it has rather interfered (work has such a pesky way of doing that, LOL) with the rest of my heretofore lovely and completely self-determined schedule.

To be honest though I'm also playing around with the idea for a new project, which means that I may let this baby either retire or "rest" for a while until I get it going. The new venture is a personal finance blog! Okay, that might sound kind of dull, but it won't be. It'll be written in the same informal, sometimes humorous style (e.g. if I find Maxine cartoons that tie in they'll definitely get included), but it will simply be more focused, and talk about everything related to money—a topic I've always found ultra-fascinating. So if you're interested, I'll let you know when I'm ready to launch, and hopefully some of you will follow me there. And if not, you can always still peek at my Flickr pics! :)

who needs Dr. Phil when there's Dr. Seuss? :)

2007-09-22T20:56:00.000-04:00

Or self-help books for that matter. I have a shelf full of the genre, but having been deprived in childhood of the excellent literature provided by Dr. Seuss, how was I supposed to know that all I really needed could be found in Oh, the Places You'll Go!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy [gal] who'll decide where to go.

That pretty much sums it up, does it not? Snort.

(click here for the full version)

p.s. posting may be sporadic for a while as I start steering myself in the right direction…

indeed again

2007-09-15T20:13:00.000-04:00

indeed

2007-09-15T20:11:00.000-04:00

"Inserting a Q-Tip deep into your ear is a great, undiscussed pleasure." —AMY KROUSE ROSENTHAL

not an ordinary book

2007-09-13T17:48:00.000-04:00

Remember that library book I was telling you about? The one that I kept putting down because I wanted to have my own copy? Well I did finally end up reading Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life as I wasn't sure when I'd be able to buy it, and with some reluctance returned it the other day. I'm going to miss having the book around, and my place feels just a tiny bit emptier. Kind of like the way it does after a good visit with a friend who has just left.

There were many moments when I'd exclaim, "me too, me too!" after reading certain facts or entries, delighted to discover that not all of my quirks are exclusively my own. What also emerged is that we both prefer coming up with an idea, rather than executing it, like writing down moments, memories, lists, quotes, and thoughts, and instead of fiction, tend to write about stuff that actually happened. Somehow, this gives me hope. :)

And in case you ever end up reading the book yourself, here are 21 of my favourite entries:

BAD MOVIE
DOING SOMETHING
EITHER
FICTION
GROUP PERSON
HAPPINESS
JACKET BIO
NOTHING
OTHER PEOPLE
PHONE, GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE ON THE
POTATO CHIPS
RED GINGHAM TABLECLOTH
RETURN CALL
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
SILENCE
STATEMENT
TA-DA!
THANKFUL
TUESDAY NIGHT
WABI-SABI*
YOU

* The neat thing about this term, by the way, is that both the author and I discovered it in the same place: Utne Reader magazine.

(wabi-sabi: "As a single idea, wabi-sabi fuses two moods seamlessly: a sigh of slightly bittersweet contentment, awareness of the transience of earthly things, and a resigned pleasure in simple things that bear the marks of that transience.")

when all else fails

2007-09-08T20:17:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, when you have a really difficult decision to make, and the usual pros and cons list just doesn't seem to help (don't you just hate it when they balance each other out?) try asking what it is that your spirit needs right now. Not necessarily wants, but needs. In other words, what would be a good soulution? Okay, I didn't make up that word myself, and can't quite remember where it came from, but it's a term I really like.

And if that doesn't work, envision as fully as you can the outcomes from whatever decision you're trying to make, and see how each one makes you feel. Imagine that you've already decided the course of action you're going to take. Do you feel lighter, relieved, and happier, or disappointed, or worse, left with a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? Your feelings often point the way as to what you really want to do, and this may be one way to reach that difficult decision.

Okay, off to follow my own advice. ;)

enjoy what's left of summer

2007-09-06T15:55:00.000-04:00

Because before you know it:

Come, little leaves, said the wind one day,
Come over the meadows with me and play;
Put on your dresses of red and gold;
Summer is gone, and the days grow cold.

—GEORGE COOPER

Mind you, at 34C at the moment, I probably won't be mourning the end of summer too much! ;)

what can I say about season 3?

2007-09-03T21:01:00.000-04:00

Season 3 of The Mary Tyler Moore Show (she sheds the wig she wore in the first two seasons making her look older) proved to be just as enjoyable as Seasons 1 and 2. The only disappointment was the lack of bonus features.

I still love the theme music, the opening and closing credits, Mary's apartment, the house it's located in (gotta love THAT house!) and the acting of course. Episodes were funny, or poignant, always smartly written, and one of them even made me cry. I especially love how the characters of both Mary and Rhoda mature and evolve and reflect the changing times.

Episodes of note include Rhoda The Beautiful (where Rhoda finally recognizes her own beauty), You've Got A Friend (a touching episode about Mary and her father—this is the one that made me cry) and My Brother's Keeper (where a guest character is revealed to be gay—an issue not often addressed back in 1973).

But do you know what I really want? To be able to get a peek inside Mary's bathroom. Her apartment is a set of course, but I still want to see ALL of it! This season I was lucky enough to see the hallway and the stairs that lead to Rhoda's apartment, but I can't seem to stop wishing for a glimpse into the room that's never been shown. Snort.

a glitch

2007-08-31T17:27:00.000-04:00

The good news is that I'm able to RECEIVE incoming email messages. The bad news is that I'm not able to send any out. Well, I can send them, but they don't get delivered. Snort. I'm sure it'll get sorted, but in the meantime I'm hoping that those of you who do get email from me read this before wondering why you haven't heard from me yet. :)

p.s. email is fixed!

crashing and falling

2007-08-29T18:23:00.000-04:00

Not sure whether my computer is suffering from old age, split personality, or demonic possession, but whatever the specific ailment, it's in dire need of a complete overhaul. It's been making me nervous lately by freezing up without any provocation on my part (honest!), occasionally refusing to load Windows even when I ask nicely, or telling me that my settings aren't correct when they were perfectly fine the last time we played together. Yesterday however was the last straw. Turning the computer on it had the audacity to greet me by just giving me numbers to look at instead of the nice pictures I've so carefully loaded. I wasn't sure whether to cry or throw up (or both!) and in desperation I called my trusty technician (read: brother) and wailed that my computer was now officially scaring me. So, I get a new (read: cobbled together from various parts collecting in his basement) PC tomorrow night. Yay! But that also means that some time will be spent installing this hopefully-not-too-much-like-Frankenstein contraption, and that I'll have to learn how to manoeuvre my way around. For example, goodbye Windows 98 and hello Windows XP. Hmmm.

Back soon I hope! Wish me luck. :)

p.s. Maxine may have high-speed, but I still have DSL...

so true

2007-08-29T18:21:00.000-04:00

sundays

2007-08-26T16:41:00.000-04:00

Ah Sunday. Is Sunday not the most bittersweet day of the week? A sense of finality, a vague longing that it not end just quite yet, regret perhaps when looking back, a squaring away, and yet a sense that a new beginning is just around the corner. Because it is!

And that brings us back to....

saturdays

2007-08-25T12:34:00.000-04:00

Saturday could be described as the most adventuresome yet relaxed day of the week. Oh the options! The first official full day of the weekend, lots of fun things to fill it with, and once again time suspends itself a little. Even chores don't always seem so bad on this day. :)

fridays

2007-08-24T18:55:00.000-04:00

Friday is definitely the most playful day of the week. Yay, this part of the week is finished, let's go celebrate! Or commiserate if need be. No, Friday is the day you can let your hair down and chill out a bit, because whatever you haven't done yet can always wait.

thursdays

2007-08-23T18:42:00.000-04:00

Thursday is probably the most reflective and anticipatory day of the week. The end is undeniably nearing closer, the results are coming in, and you may or may not have done what you had in mind. There isn't that much time left to change course and steer the boat around, but it's always possible. And, the weekend is coming up!

wednesdays

2007-08-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

Wednesday is like the middle child of the week. Sometimes taken for granted and not given as much attention, it nevertheless plays an important role. Get to Wednesday and you're pretty much set. And with Monday and Tuesday successfully behind you, you now have a good sense of where you're headed next.

tuesdays

2007-08-21T22:09:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, I think, is often the least stressful day of the week. Still brimming with the youthfulness and vitality of a week barely begun, you've settled in a bit, tested out the gears, made the necessary adjustments, and are raring to go. There's lots of time left to do what needs to be done. No looking back yet!

mondays

2007-08-20T17:31:00.000-04:00

Monday is the most hopeful day of the week. Like early mornings when time still stretches out before you, the slate is wiped clean and you're off to a fresh start. And no matter what took place last week, anything can happen THIS week. Hey, you might find the love of your life, or work that really fulfills you. Yes, Monday is the most optimistic day of the week. Get ready, set, go!

an analysis of days

2007-08-19T21:48:00.000-04:00

Starting tomorrow!

instructions

2007-08-18T21:32:00.000-04:00

The following is looted (once again) from my inbox:

Simple Instructions for Life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day. *
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

* My friend said that for me this one should be reversed: Spend some time with people every day! Snort.

maybe Martha made it?

2007-08-16T21:07:00.000-04:00

martha versus maxine

2007-08-13T21:40:00.000-04:00

Another email find:

Are you a Martha or a Maxine?

Martha's Way:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway.

Martha's Way:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's Way:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine's Way:
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's Way:
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Maxine's Way:
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

Martha's Way:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine's Way:
Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha's Way:
Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Martha's Way:
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine's Way:
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

Martha's Way:
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine's Way:
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha's Way:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine's Way:
Leftover wine???????????
HELLO!!!!!!!

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And what if you're a little bit of both? Would that make you a Maxi-Mart? Or if you're a bit more like Martha, but not nearly as obnoxious, a Mini-Mart? Ha ha! Okay, I'm shutting up already before you think I've drunk ALL that leftover wine. Snort.

not sure I'd wear this button myself, but ...

2007-08-11T22:22:00.000-04:00

... I find it pretty amusing!

p.s. I should probably provide a bit of context here and tell you that the above was part of a "mood buttons you can't wear to work" series that a friend emailed me

the trouble with me

2007-08-09T19:11:00.000-04:00

"The trouble with me is I have no imagination." —JAMES JOYCE

I think I know what he means. While I've always wanted to write, I've never wanted to write fiction, and unlike James Joyce, probably couldn't even if I tried. Invent characters and plot? Um, I wouldn't even know where to begin. In a nutshell, I just don't have that kind of imagination.

Creative non-fiction (personal essay, humour, etc.) is where I feel more at home. Although sometimes embellished a little for comedic effect, everything I write is based in truth, in part because real life is often funnier than anything made up. All the silly scenarios you have read about so far have really happened, snort, and at the possible risk of making myself look even more foolish, I relay them to you because almost nothing gives me greater pleasure than making a reader laugh. Obviously I have a serious side as well, but being told my words are funny is the biggest compliment I can aim for, so, keep 'em coming. ;)

what NOT to do

2007-08-08T21:30:00.000-04:00

Remember that helpful tip Krissa had about putting the shampoo in the fridge to stop it from melting in the summer heat? Well, I MEANT to do that right away, but of course got sidetracked and never did. So, before taking my bath today I cleverly decided to put it in the freezer instead to speed up the process. I knew it wouldn't be in there long, and was quite pleased with myself for coming up with this perfectly reasonable solution.

[Okay, you can stop snickering now, because even though I know you KNOW what happened next, I'm going to pretend you don't and tell you anyway.]

Well! Guess what? I got sidetracked once again, and ended up not taking that bath for several hours. I also promptly forgot about the shampoo. Yep, instead of melted goo, I ended up with a bottle of frozen gunk. Can you picture the look on my face when I realized what I'd done?

[Oh all right, laugh at me now if you want. Heck, let it all out. Snort.]

But think about it. Isn't this just typical? Too hot, or too cold. Where's that happy medium?! ;)

because I'm easily amused

2007-08-07T20:48:00.000-04:00

A friend sent me the following email:

British Signs

Spotted in a toilet at a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

how hot was it yesterday?

2007-08-03T17:27:00.000-04:00

It was SO hot that:

a) KJ laid on the linoleum all day
b) the shampoo melted
c) I had to go outside to cool off
d) Hamilton broke its temperature record
e) I didn't wear a bra despite the negative gravitational effect

Okay, you have 30 seconds to come up with the right answer. Go!

Give up? Ha ha, it's all of the above! :))

snort

2007-08-02T18:36:00.000-04:00

she's back!

2007-08-01T16:32:00.000-04:00

Sort of. But I'm still feeling too lazy to come up with anything original, so will be posting humour columns I've written in the past, or tidbits that conveniently find their way to my inbox. Still, better than nothing, no? ;)

Today's piece, appropriately enough, addresses the topic of laziness. Specifically, my own.

* note: as it was written years ago, some of the points may be out of date, but I'm feeling a tad too sluggish to point out which ones

LAZY IS AS LAZY DOES

The first time someone told me I was lazy, I dismissed it out of hand. The second time that same person told me I was lazy I started paying attention. After the third time, I was curious enough to consult my trusty dictionary. This is how The Houghton Mifflin Canadian Dictionary of the English Language (what a mouthful!) defines lazy:

1. Resistant to work or exertion; disposed to idleness; slothful.
2. Slow-moving; sluggish.
3. Conducive to languor or indolence.
4. Depicted as reclining or lying on its side. Said of a livestock brand.

Well! I'm no longer sure I can trust my dictionary, although I can't really argue with slow-moving (too many people, unfortunately, have confirmed that one), and I can see how long periods of unemployment could make some people label me resistant. I take exception though to slothful, and that reference to livestock, why, that's just plain unkind. So, rather than taking my dictionary at its word, I am going to make use of my underused sociology degree and look at the question of whether I am lazy in a scholarly, scientific, objective, and unbiased way. Okay, I might be willing to admit to a slight partial bias, but only slightly. The following are impartial arguments for and against the notion that I, Christa, am a lazy person:

FOR - some members of her own family consider her to be lazy
AGAINST - other family members recognize her deliberate attempts to slow down in order to achieve greater balance

FOR - even some of her friends think she's lazy
AGAINST - other friends just see her as deliberate and slow (or deliberately slow?)

FOR - she doesn't want to work full-time
AGAINST - she's hoping to be financially compensated one day by writing about not wanting to work full-time

FOR - she thinks dogs are too much work
AGAINST - she faithfully cleans her cat's litterbox weekly, and scoops daily

FOR - she likes having meals made for her
AGAINST - she makes macaroni and cheese from scratch, not Kraft!

FOR - she used to make her oatmeal in the microwave
AGAINST - since the death of her microwave, she's become a stove top kind of gal

FOR - she has a book called The Joy of Not Working
AGAINST - she has a whole shelf of books on looking for work, including Finding Your Perfect Work

FOR - she bought (at full price) The Lazy Person’s Guide to Success (the most damning piece of evidence yet!)
AGAINST - she also bought (on sale, I might add) To Build the Life You Want, Create the Work You Love

FOR - she's not always employed
AGAINST - but when she is, her employers just love her (except for the few times she's quit of course...)

FOR - she charged her neighbour $20 for snow shovelling one winter
AGAINST - she was kind enough to do it as she didn't want to do it in the first place

FOR - she bought one of those fancy ergonomic shovels
AGAINST - she was spotted shovelling snow as early as 6:30 am (in fact, she never gets up later than 7:30 am)

FOR - she won't walk the 20 minutes to get to the public stairs
AGAINST - she does up to 700 steps on her own set of stairs

FOR - she gets defensive when she hears the word 'lazy'
AGAINST - she prefers terms like: 'laid-back', 'heedfully unambitious', or even, 'contemplatively idle'

FOR - she doesn't like housework in general
AGAINST - she does the dishes (by hand!) three times a day (usually)

FOR - she doesn't like dusting in particular
AGAINST - but she vacuums once a week, and thoughtfully supports the Swiffer company whenever she can

FOR - she doesn't like the question "What do you do?"
AGAINST - she's been known to answer, rather philosophically, "I don't, I be."

FOR - she spends a lot of time on her computer
AGAINST - she sends e-mails to family and friends regaling them with funny stories in an effort to make them smile out loud

So, am I lazy? Well, I guess the jury's out, because I can't decide whether I can't decide, or whether I'm just too lazy to figure it out. So, to paraphrase a favourite heroine of mine: "Maybe I'll decide tomorrow, for tomorrow's another day."

a bit of a blogging break

2007-07-20T18:28:00.000-04:00

So that I truthfully can't utter any of these source-less email-derived lines:

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Snort. Actually, five minutes isn't quite long enough, but I'll be back by August. Hope to see you then!

p.s. the jealousy line cracked me up (ha ha!) the most; which one was your favourite?

a test—no cheating allowed!

2007-07-20T17:56:00.000-04:00

(another email nugget with unknown source I'm afraid)

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
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The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
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2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
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Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
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Wrong Answer
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Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
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3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
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Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
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4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
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Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
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According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Snort. And um, no, I didn't get any right. ;)

avatar for Krissa

2007-07-20T17:24:00.000-04:00

Who happens to be a great friend, and even prettier than this image suggests. :)

do I resemble this avatar?

2007-07-15T23:12:00.000-04:00

I ain't telling! Snort.

Created at www.simpsonsmovie.com

gotta love that alphabet

2007-07-11T20:42:00.000-04:00

A friend sent me an email containing words that when rearranged, spell other words. (As always, I don't know his source.) Here are a few:

DORMITORY: