questions

(Wrote this several weeks ago, and put it aside, but think it's still worthwhile posting.)

I've been doing a fair bit of mulling lately, ever since I read a number of posts a while ago analyzing some of the different aspects about this lovely blogosphere of ours. And if truth be told I think I'm glad I jumped in without really knowing what I was doing, and without having read too many blogs before I started. In some ways I've found the process intimidating enough (hmmm, I suppose I should have something in my sidebar, but what, and how on earth do I put it there?), and I guess if I had realized that etiquette might be involved I'd have stayed far away knowing how socially inept I can sometimes be. I'm also quite sure that I probably would have been too scared to begin if I'd been aware of just how many talented writers reside here. Now if you think that I resolved the issue of writing insecurity successfully enough in a previous post, it actually just got the ball rolling, and will undoubtedly prove to be a recurring theme. Thus my experience so far, and what I've been reading of late, has me thinking and questioning why I even started this blog, and what I'm trying to get out of it. And because I've always been better at asking the questions than getting them answered, I'll simply list them first and see if anything jumps out at me later. So here goes:

My wanting to (no, needing to) write is a given, but why this format? Did I want a larger audience? Validation? Recognition? The chance to improve my writing skills in a more public arena? Greater interaction through comments? A sense of community? But if it's community I want, why seek it online as opposed to offline? And since I've never really felt that I fit in anyway, is it reasonable to hope that I might fit in better online?

Why a sitemeter? And why make the number of hits visible when it's not that high? Who do I want reading my blog, and why? Is my blog a distraction? Another way for me to procrastinate and avoid what I don't want to do? Knowing how easily I get addicted to things, was starting a blog sensible? What do I actually want to write about, and why? Given that family members or friends may be reading, what would I be embarrassed to include? What parts of my life do I want to keep hidden? Is my blog partly therapy? A way to explore unresolved issues? If so, just how much of the dirty laundry pile am I willing to make public?

Why do I read so many mommy blogs when for various reasons I am not a mom myself? And why do I sometimes question my right to participate in those blogs when only my hugely adored rescued-from-the-streets kitty will experience my maternalism? What kind of blog do I write anyway if I'm not a parent, a desperate single, a career person, focused on a craft or hobby, involved in politics, or knowledgeable enough to be a literary blogger? And is my blog too eclectic (read: scattered) even though it doesn't fall into or include any of the above categories? And of course, is anyone even really interested in what I write?

How do others (especially moms) keep up with reading and commenting on so many blogs? Why am I so inept with time that I can barely keep up with a few favourites and still not post on my own every day? Why do I at other times spend hours in the blogosphere when I could (should?) be doing other things instead?

What, ultimately, do I hope to gain from this blog? And finally, why do I always come up with more questions than answers?