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Thursday, January 25, 2007

I so disagree

"The worst thing is being alone. Even being with someone you hate is better than being alone."

That was my friend's central assertion the other night as he urged me to learn from him and not end up alone. As he was already both inebriated and upset about other things, I didn't want to argue with him, but I thought it was a profoundly sad statement. I can't imagine how being with someone you hate is not worse, much worse, than being on your own, unless you don't have a good relationship with yourself. Now I happen to need a fair bit of solitude, and don't mind being alone for extended periods of time, but I can't see how being with someone you hate could be an improvement. No, in my opinion there's nothing worse than feeling lonely while with someone. To me there's a huge difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think if there's anything to be learned from my friend's belief it's that if the relationship you have with yourself isn't strong enough, you'll seek in others what you ultimately need to find within yourself.


Anonymous mum of two said...

I totally agree with you on this one. Being alone is different from being lonely. You can be lonely in a room full of people as the old saying goes but being alone does not automatically indicate loneliness. Granted, some people are more socially inclined than others and prefer to be with company as much as possible and I don't have any problem acknowledging that nor do I think there's anything wrong with (the majority of) them.
What I do have a problem with is the reaction of some to you wanting to be, or do something, alone. "By yourself?" is often said with shock, horror and revulsion. It genuinely amazes me at times the number of people who ask this.
Preferring to be with someone you dislike in order to escape being alone though is just plain sad. I just couldn't imagine doing that even if I was lonely and not just alone.

January 25, 2007 7:40 p.m.

Anonymous krissa said...

I 100% totally agree with you. ... "No, in my opinion there's nothing worse than feeling lonely while with someone." That statement is very powerful and for anyone who has ever experienced feeling lonely while with someone, it hits home hard. I also am one of those who can be alone and enjoys being alone. I never ever once in my life felt lonely when I was by myself. But I have felt lonely when I was with someone who I loved and it is a sadness that anyone who doesn't know personally can not comprehend. ... Bottom line, I couldn't agree with you more in your views.

January 26, 2007 10:20 a.m.

Blogger KJ's muse said...

Hi mum of two,

Always lovely to hear from you. :)

I get the same reaction sometimes when I've admitted to going to a movie on my own. It amazes me how many people have told me they could never do that!

Hi Krissa,

Always lovely to hear from you too! :)

Yeah, I've never minded being on my own either. In fact, the loneliest time I ever experienced was when I was growing up—in a family of seven!

January 26, 2007 9:42 p.m.

Blogger Dakota said...

I totally disagree…..with your friend that is :) Staying with someone just because you need someone around is the stupidest thing to do. I would rather spend the rest of my days alone then spend them with someone I despise. Being alone can be hard at first, but you can get used to it very quickly and it can become a pretty enjoyable lifestyle. So enjoyable even, that you have to get used to having people around again.

Being alone is great, just as long as you are not lonely!

January 27, 2007 11:20 a.m.

Blogger KJ's muse said...

Hi Dakota,

Always lovely to hear from U3. ;)

So enjoyable even, that you have to get used to having people around again.

I hear ya! Much like my cat, I tend to be fairly territorial.... :)

January 28, 2007 11:20 p.m.


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