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Thursday, May 10, 2007

"Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!"

Snort. No, it's not at Christmas that I clearly empathize with the Grinch (although, depending on the kind of year I've had, LOL), but when the weather turns warmer and the windows get flung open and I have to listen to other people's music, that's when you'll hear me reciting the familiar line above. I mean, it's bad enough having to be privy to people's inane yakking on cell phones everywhere (what, you can't go for a walk or bus ride without talking to someone?), but being forced to listen to someone else's music is one of my major pet peeves. Being a not-quite-recovered-enough curmudgeon, I have MANY pet peeves, wink, but that one is probably the biggest. Maybe it's because I love the sound of stillness (although I don't mind things like birds chirping or trains whistling), or maybe it's because if I do have background music on it's likely to be of the classical variety. No, what I don't understand is people's need to have their car stereos blasting, or worse, bringing their radios outside with them. Um, hello? What makes you think I want to listen to your crappy music? Why should I have to be subjected to that? And why are you so afraid of silence? As far as I'm concerned it's all noise pollution. I appear to fall in the minority though as music is everywhere and others don't seem to mind it as much.

But who is the worst offender on our street? If you guessed the lawnmower man who lives right across from me, then you're absolutely right. And is it the mowing of the sidewalk that bothers me the most? No, even though I think it's quite insane, that I can handle (even at three hours at a time), as it doesn't happen every day. Now, you might think me positively loony when you read what I'm about to say next, but it's his whistling that drives me around the bend. I know, I know, it doesn't seem such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but his whistling is so high-pitched and shrill and loud and constant that I can hear it clearly at the back of the house, and even when I'm watching TV. No matter what the volume, his whistling (and he does it for hours on end) pierces through so that I have no choice but to close the windows. Does it bother others as well? Yes. Can I talk to him about it? No. After a, um, incident a couple of years ago (remember, I'm curmudgeonly), we are no longer on speaking terms. Have I considered strangling him with my bare hands? Yes, of course I have! Snort. In fact, enough people have heard me confess to wanting to do exactly that, so if a homicide were to occur more than one suspecting finger would rightly be pointed my way. Okay, I exaggerate, but it's not like I can call the police to report him. Can you imagine the exchange that would take place?

Police officer: What seems to be the problem Ma'am?
Me: My neighbour is making too much noise.
Police officer: How, specifically?
Me: Um, he's whistling. But really loud!
Police officer: [silence at first] Ma'am, is this a crank call?
Me: No! And you have to do something about it! Please?
Police officer: [click]


No, I don't think THAT would go over very well. I'm just going to have to practise being Zen-like as much as possible, I suppose. And enjoy the times when he's NOT whistling. But hey, blogging about it sure helped! ;)


Anonymous krissa said...

Uh-oh. Well, this is my second attempt to leave a comment. I refreshed and everything, too. :( .. I have to say that LOL is said many times on the internet, but now I need to come up with one for "laughing so loud tears came out of my eyes"! The title already had me and it just got better and better. I THOUGHT the photo of a man actually mowing .. his.. sidewalk was not to be topped. I was wrong. I think you and I could have been seperated at birth. I HATE when people whistle!!! It is so annoying! It happens to me always in the store. And I'm inevitably stuck in a long checkout line in front of or behind some idiot who has to whistle some tune. And why is it only men who do this??? Well, this post made me laugh so hard, but I know from experience, it is NOT FUNNY. And you have my sympathy. :)

May 11, 2007 4:41 p.m.

Blogger KJ's muse said...

Glad you enjoyed the post! I have to admit I was chuckling a fair bit myself while writing and editing, but have learned that my sense of humour doesn't always translate well. In other words some people don't always realize when I'm TRYING to be funny. Ah well. But you, my friend, seem to share my funny bone. Yay!

May 11, 2007 11:12 p.m.

Blogger Miss Sara said...

Yeah. I completely understand. Just this morning, I was happily listening to the birds chirping while lying in bed... and then someone farted! Can you believe it! All I wanted to do was enjoy the birds' singing...
I guess I can't complain too much, though, because the fart was from my husband, and no matter if the windows were open or closed, I would have had that noise disrupt my calm.
I hope he doesn't read this. Ever.

May 12, 2007 1:35 p.m.

Anonymous krissa said...

How rude! To interrupt the lovely birdsongs that way! :) ... Oh *yeah*, I was even laughing about this post today as I did whatever I was doing. It's probably the funniest thing I ever read and hmmm, in a way it could be the saddest too since I know how horrible it is to experience that stuff. But I prefer to see the funny side. Oh, I showed Nick the picture of the guy mowing the sidewalk. I wish I had a camera that could have captured the look on his face for you to see. (btw, as I write this I have ear plugs in thanks to OUR lovely neighbors). Anyone up for starting a worldwide movement to END NEIGHBORS' NOISE POLLUTION!!!??!!!

May 12, 2007 3:10 p.m.

Blogger KJ's muse said...

Hello pretty Miss Sara! I believe tomorrow is a special day? ;)

Farting by bedmates, ah yes, another reason why I live alone. ;)

Krissa, it may not be worldwide, but I believe there ARE anti-noise movements, and noise caused by neighbours IS a very common complaint. So yeah, lets start a pro-quiet revolution! :)

May 12, 2007 9:55 p.m.

Anonymous krissa said...

You know, I think there is a group in a town in California that is exactly that. All I know is, we are not overreacting and I can not figure out what is wrong with these people??? ...So, is he whistling right now? :)

May 13, 2007 10:00 a.m.

Anonymous krissa said...

I am copy/pasting this into Word. It's either do that so I can read it and laugh as needed, or "strangle the guy with my bare hands". I swear, if my neighbor adds whistling to his repertoire, you'll be hearing about me on the news. :) ha ha!

May 14, 2007 1:40 p.m.

Blogger KJ's muse said...

You're right Krissa, I DON'T think we're overreacting. And call me an old fart, but I think in general people have just gotten ruder and don't give a toss.

Aw, sounds like you're having a bad noise day! :(

I've been lucky myself as my neighbour hasn't been working in the garden the last few days so it's been nice and quiet. :)

May 14, 2007 5:36 p.m.

Anonymous krissa said...

People have gotten ruder, for sure. And it's everywhere. I lived in California, New York and spent three months in Canada (Kelowna) before moving to Germany. It's the same everywhere. ... So thank you for this post! At least you can share the humor and make others' (mine especially) situations less painful.
"Down with Loud"!

May 15, 2007 11:06 a.m.

Blogger KJ's muse said...

Guess what? Last night someone dropped by my neighbour's place and was playing their car radio ridiculously loud, so emboldened by this post I went out and asked them to turn it down in a polite enough but slightly belligerent way. Snort. And maybe because I'm actually starting to look a bit like a middle-aged fart, they did! Ha! That's going to be my mission this summer -- telling people to crank it down. :)

May 15, 2007 7:08 p.m.

Anonymous krissa said...

HURRAY!!!! KJM strikes a blow for the Movement! Way to go! :)

May 17, 2007 11:24 a.m.

Blogger KJ's muse said...

Snort. :)

May 17, 2007 11:31 p.m.


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