what kind are you? :)

"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who divide everything into two groups, and those who don't." —KENNETH BOULDING

favourite movie I saw last year

Okay, it was the only one I saw (in a theatre that is), but I think it still would have been my favourite even had I seen more. I saw it exactly one year ago today (happened to keep the stub which I don't normally do, but that's how I know), and in my opinion it was a phenomenal film.

I remember being so moved that I was surprised that when it ended people got up as if nothing had happened. Surprised that they were physically capable of getting up and leaving, as I myself seemed stuck in my chair and wasn't quite ready to get up even when the credits had finished rolling. I remember struggling to keep my tears in check (hate crying in front of others) and going to the bathroom to have a bit of a cry there, instead. I remember walking home in a daze determined not to let the tears come until I was in my own space. When I did finally get home I remember letting go and weeping (not crying, but weeping) for I don't know how long. The incredible sadness of the film haunted me for days, and when I accidentally heard its theme song on the radio it stirred up my emotions afresh. And I remember leaving the movie theatre thinking that if I didn't see another film for the rest of the year (which turned out to be prophetic), it wouldn't matter as I'd already seen the best one.

The movie in question was Brokeback Mountain, one that I'm sure you're all familiar with because if nothing else it spawned the development of "brokeback" as a silly euphemism. And that's a shame because whatever your views are on same-sex relationships, the film deserved better than that.

What I personally thought was so wonderful about the movie was how it took a very specific theme and made it into a universal story. While it began as an exploration of two men who couldn't accept their own homosexuality (or bisexuality, if you will) as much as their society couldn't accept it either, it became a larger story of what happens to people who aren't tolerated for whatever reason, who then internalize non-acceptance, and the ripple effect that creates. Not only was the sense of loneliness and suffering so palpable in this film, it was also very clear that this extended far beyond the two main characters. Pretty much everyone lost out, including the two men's wives and children, because how can there be genuine relationships when essential parts of people remain hidden? Again, what I loved about this film was its ability to use one issue as a filter of sorts, demonstrating the consequences of not being accepted and understood, not being able to be open about your greatest passion, no matter what the passion, or the particular circumstance. In other words, the price that everyone pays when people are not allowed to be their true selves.

I mentioned the music earlier, and Gustavo Santaolalla's score is wonderful indeed. "The Wings" is especially lovely, and is the main song most often played in connection with this film. Now while I won't tell you to see it (I imagine that if you haven't already that it's probably not your cup of tea), it certainly had quite the emotional impact on me.

wow…

…is all I can say. Crash. Rent or borrow the DVD if you can. Although some have described it as contrived, and others have criticized it for being bigoted in its own way, I personally thought it was excellent.

love this photo

Taken by a talented local photographer, that church is about a twenty-minute walk down my street. My street! See where the car is climbing the hill? I walk on that sidewalk all the time, but now when I do I try to figure out exactly where and how the photo was taken. I love the black and white, and get drawn in every time. But best of all—the photograph is now mine! I won it in an online auction last month, and even though I'll be paying it off via credit card for a while, I have no regrets. Art is the only luxury (necessity?) I don't mind investing in.

I so disagree

"The worst thing is being alone. Even being with someone you hate is better than being alone."

That was my friend's central assertion the other night as he urged me to learn from him and not end up alone. As he was already both inebriated and upset about other things, I didn't want to argue with him, but I thought it was a profoundly sad statement. I can't imagine how being with someone you hate is not worse, much worse, than being on your own, unless you don't have a good relationship with yourself. Now I happen to need a fair bit of solitude, and don't mind being alone for extended periods of time, but I can't see how being with someone you hate could be an improvement. No, in my opinion there's nothing worse than feeling lonely while with someone. To me there's a huge difference between being alone and being lonely, and I think if there's anything to be learned from my friend's belief it's that if the relationship you have with yourself isn't strong enough, you'll seek in others what you ultimately need to find within yourself.

from the old bard himself

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." —WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

the year of change

A friend of mine asked me a little while ago whether I had started to implement any of the changes alluded to in my New Year's post. My answer to her was, "Yes and no." Elaborating a bit further I explained that when I wrote that entry I'd been thinking primarily of external changes, but had come to the realization that a better place to start might be internally. Mental shifts first, if you will. Now change, something I normally think of as difficult and scary, is, according to Dakota, not something to be afraid of (or at least, the fear shouldn't stop us), so I'm gonna take her word for it, but she'd better be right! :))

In truth though, I've realized for a while that I want to alter some of the patterns in my life, especially as they relate to interacting with others, and I suppose, myself. I'll be turning forty-five (gasp!) this year (yikes—some days I barely feel mature enough to be 25, let alone 45, and I certainly haven't achieved most of the milestones associated with that age), and believe it's high time I resolve certain issues so that I can start living the life I want. While not necessarily a mid-life crisis, I guess I feel I've reached a midpoint of sorts, and want to become unstuck. So, change it is!

what sound, smell or sight…

…brings you back to childhood?

For me it's the rumble of a far-off plane. Instantly it transports me back to the front steps of our old house on those summer days when it was too hot to do anything but sit. On those steps, vaguely bored yet content, I knew that time stretched out in front of me for well, almost forever, and I was confident somehow that no matter how unhappy and trapped I felt then, things could change, would change, and that all sorts of things were hovering on the horizon. I could sense possibility and potential and luxuriated in the feeling that I still had all the time in the world to see how everything would unfold.

Still love the sound of airplanes in the distance. Always will.

indeed

"You cannot satisfy hunger by drawing a cake." —CHINESE PROVERB

a beautiful angel

read her story here

does this happen to you as well?

You know when you're trying to comment on a post and you're instructed to "type the characters you see in the picture above" when leaving word verification? Well, many times when I do exactly as I'm told it rejects what I type in (even on my own blog) and proceeds to tell me in angry red letters (with an annoyed-looking exclamation mark first no less), Enter the letters as they are shown in the image. Um, that's what I do the first time, but half the time it doesn't believe me! So now I usually type the non-word very slowly, letter by letter, wondering if either my vision is deteriorating even quicker than I had suspected, or if I'm just going barmy. Well yes, MY bet's on the latter as well, but still! How rude of my own page to not trust my ability to recognize letters! Besides, why should I have to verify anything on my own page? Doesn't it know it's ME who's doing the typing?

ice in trees starting to melt

view from kitchen window

speaking of haircuts...

"Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head." —GARRISON KEILLOR

another thing I have yet to understand

Remember the items on my list of 42 Things I Have Yet To Understand? Well, here's another: hairdressers with bad haircuts. This has always fascinated me, and while at some level I get that you can't see yourself the way others do thus making it harder to be objective about your own appearance, I would think that as a hairdresser you'd make damn sure that your own coiffure was up to snuff. After all, if your own hair looks like crap, why would I trust you with mine? Yet time and again I see hairdressers (whether in real life or on TV makeover shows) who look like they ought to be running to the nearest salon begging for an emergency consultation. So how is it that they can transform others but not themselves?

p.s. this certainly doesn't mean that I wouldn't benefit from an emergency salon visit myself, but then again, it's not my livelihood!

le creuset love

Love love LOVE Le Creuset, and am the proud owner of two of their pots, and two frying pans. All bright orange (could there be a more cheerful colour for in the kitchen?), except for the smallest frying pan which is a vivid blue, and happens to make the best single fried egg ever. I can't afford Le Creuset at regular prices though, so have managed to find each piece in various thrift stores.

Ah, what people (unknowingly?) get rid of! The small pot I picked up for $5, and the big pot (excellent for my homemade soups!) was a hefty $20, but that's nowhere near what I'd have to pay for it new. Speaking of new, the little blue frying pan was exactly that, and I have to admit I pretty much gloated as I handed over my $2 and asked the clerk if she realized what she had just sold. Snort.

Just how much do I love Le Creuset? Well, I always get a thrill when I see the pots displayed on cooking shows (especially the orange ones), and I tend to ignore what's cooking in favour of getting a glimpse of the pots. How or why did my love affair begin? Probably because of nostalgia. Growing up my mom had an orange Dutch oven in which she cooked a lot of her meat dishes (and she's an excellent cook although she refuses to believe it), so I suppose I associate orange pots with memories of homemade cooking. I eventually inherited mom's old memory-laden pot, and still use it to make my own oven roast meals.

I resolve...

Okay, I know I said in the last post that I don't make resolutions, but I figured a few blogging ones wouldn't hurt. Here goes:

1. I resolve to write entries more frequently
2. I resolve to write entries only when I feel like it
3. I resolve to write more meaty entries instead of filler-type stuff
4. I resolve to write any type of entry I want
5. I resolve to not be concerned about how many people actually read my blog
6. I resolve to read my favourite blogs more regularly
7. I resolve to not feel guilty when I don't have time to read my favourite blogs
8. I resolve to look at new blogs as that's how I found my current favourites
9. I resolve to not find any new favourite blogs until I've checked out the ones I already have bookmarked
10. I resolve to ignore any contradictions in any of the above statements

And most importantly, I shall follow what in my opinion might have made a good 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not compare thyself to any other blogger. Or covet their writing skill. Snort.

a new beginning?

Love that 2007 begins on a Monday. So appropriate somehow!

I'm not really one to go to any wild parties on New Year's Eve (well, any eve for that matter), but I do like to commemorate the occasion by taking stock of the past year and thinking ahead to what I wish for in the next year. I usually try to list (isn't everything better when listed?) all the good things of the year gone by, goals achieved, what I'm grateful for, and sometimes the stuff that wasn't so great. You know, the good, the bad, the ugly, what went right and what went horribly wrong. And while I definitely don't make resolutions, I do find that this is an excellent time to reassess how my life is going, and what I need to do differently.

My summation for 2006? Well, I won't bore you with the personal details, but suffice it to say that overall this wasn't a very good year (especially in terms of work and relationships), and that it's time to make changes. Big changes. I guess my main goal for next year is to have my life be quite different from the one I'm leading now, which is scary (especially for someone who doesn't particularly like change), but also hopeful. Wish me luck! And good luck with implementing any changes for yourself as well.