not a lotta grace

Do you know how difficult it is to run and catch a bus when you have a full knapsack on your back AND a grocery bag in each hand? Do you know how ridiculous a person looks even attempting such a feat? Think penguin crossed with, well, me. I'm quite sure the bus driver waited just because he was enjoying the spectacle. Never mind. One of the things I love about being in my early forties is not giving a toss anymore. Well, not as much. ;)

it's all relative

Dirt, cleanliness, pain, tiredness; I now realize it all depends on what you're used to!

day 4

Slept. ;)

more before and after shots

ask me what WASN'T sore on Friday!

On second thought, don't. Okay, if you really must know, my hands, wrists, arms, shoulders, and legs were killing me. My knees however were fine because I used a folded-up blanket in a garbage bag to protect them. SO glad somebody told me about that little trick. It took me nearly six hours to clean the living room, but I was determined to get it done, and get it done well. After all, I have the Dutch-housekeepers-are-really-good stereotype to uphold, snort. But three days in a row of cleaning baseboards, floors and doorways in warm humid weather on the second floor of an old house? Go on; ask me how tired I was! (In a weird way though it was kind of fun. Well, satisfying at least to see the end result.) Oh, I forgot to tell you about the tall doorways with the large mouldings—there are three of them in the apartment—and if I remember I'll try to take a picture of one of them when I return next week. (Yes, I've been asked to come back and tackle the hallway and stairs, so no, the fun's not over yet, LOL.) I know, I'll stick the ladder in front and that will demonstrate quite nicely how I'm NOT afraid of heights.

So, I finally finish, pack up, leave, and happen to run into the tenant living downstairs. Who, upon finding out that I was cleaning upstairs, promptly invites me in so that I can decide whether I'd like to have a job cleaning her place as well. Of course at that moment the very last thing I want to do is even think about cleaning somebody else's place, but I was polite and took the tour and you would not believe the bathroom! I've never seen anything like it. It was actually two adjoining bathrooms EXACTLY the width of my claw-foot tub. I kid you not. In the first room a tub half the length of a regular one fit right in between the two walls on one side, and a litter box was on the other side. In the second room there was a small vanity on one end and a toilet on the other, with barely any room to move around. I got claustrophobic just peeking inside.

And within ten minutes I also realize that this 80-year-old-woman, bless her soul, has major memory problems as she tells me the same things over and over. I decide to leave until I realize it's raining outside, except that the term "raining" is inadequate as it's a torrential downpour! Again, I've never seen anything like it. (The next day I read that they suspect a tornado hit parts of Hamilton.) So we go to her kitchen to wait for the storm to calm down a bit when I notice mice droppings EVERYWHERE. On the floor, top of the fridge, on the counter, you name it. Before you know it I have a broom in hand and am cleaning the floor (telling her it's the one free cleaning she's gonna get) while she asks me the exact same questions she asked a few minutes before and I'm wondering if I've ended up in some kind of twilight zone. Honestly! Here I am, bone tired, cleaning the floor of a memory-impaired woman I don't even know living in a mice-filled house with the narrowest set of bathrooms I've ever seen PRAYING for the rain to ease up so I can walk the half hour to my own home and finally fall into bed. Too funny.

And that, my friends, was Day 3. Snort.

black and white

Yuck indeed!

Better, no?

day 2

Which means that now I really AM tired and sore! Snort. One more day to go this week, but why, oh why did I leave the largest, dirtiest and warmest room for last? And it was hot today too as we got our first taste of summer. The worst part though was finding this poor little mouse stuck on one of those horrible glue traps first thing in the morning. It was obviously in distress, and while I can understand people not wanting mice around, I still hate to see any living creature suffer. I couldn't rescue it though, and I didn't see anything around that I could use to end its life quickly and humanely. Poor thing. I ended up leaving it because I didn't know what to do, but I hope it doesn't live much longer. Sigh.

Okay, a quick before-and-after shot of one of the baseboards to give you an idea of what I'm up against, and then I'm outa here!

spring break

Well, more like spring clean. Except not at my house, not that it couldn't use it, snort. No, in addition to cleaning houses as a part-time income stream, I'm adding something a bit new this week by cleaning up a vacant apartment for a landlord before new tenants are acquired. How I came about this position is a bit of a fluke, but if it works out maybe I can clean up more apartments for him when tenants move out. The kicker is that the state of this apartment is the worst he's seen in 15+ years of renting. Yikes! That means I've got my work cut out for me. Big time. But, I've gotten super bored with regular weekly maintenance, and in all the houses I've been the biggest satisfaction has come out of getting it really clean the first time. I even made one client almost cry once when she saw how I had "magically" transformed her tub from black to white. Said she'd never seen it that white in seven years. Score! (Pssst, those Magic Erasers really do work if you have enough elbow grease.) So, this could work out well enough, especially if I could get some work from other landlords too.

But first I have to prove myself. And wash walls, baseboards, floors, stairs and who-knows-what-else. Apparently the place is so bad they're even completely replacing the bathroom and kitchen. So yes, I'm somewhat worried. I've seen a fair bit in my stint of cleaning houses (cat, dog and people poop in places you wouldn't even believe, for starters), but maybe this is even worse than what I've encountered so far. And I'm already anticipating a sore body (better start stretching now!) and very tired bones at the end of each day. Which hopefully a long soak in the tub WILL alleviate. For now though I better put up a little sign on my blog:

Gone Cleaning!

Hope to be back by the end of the week. Wish me luck! I think I'm gonna need it....

shorn

Of hair that is. In a sort of science experiment gone mad, I decided to see what would happen if I didn't bother getting my really short hair cut for six months. Now that doesn't sound too wild, but you don't know my hair. Well! The results made even my hairdresser gasp today when I turned around and showed her the back of my head. I had somehow sprouted these enormous silver wings that while not looking too bad in front, appeared as if they were trying to escape out back but without a clue as to the direction for their emergency flight. Meanwhile, a disgruntled middle contingent of hair decided that they had had just about enough of this craziness and rose up en masse to leave. Yep, a whole section of hair had started curling upwards (I have naturally wavy hair) in the strangest-looking formation ever witnessed by any hair professional. I kid you not. That gasp I mentioned earlier was NOT just embellishment for comedic effect. It was a true, albeit horrified, appreciation for what my hair can do when left to its own devices. Snort. So, it finally came off today. My only regret is that I didn't think to take a photo first to show you just how rebellious my hair can be, and that I wasn't able to take a photo of the mounds of hair left on the floor. About three heads and six pounds worth! Well, that's what the hairdresser said. Who now regrets ever doubting me when I said my hair grows faster than the average person the first time I ended up in her shop. WAY faster. :)

salad anyone? ;)

a cleansing breath

"No thought, no reflection, no analysis, no cultivation, no intention; let it settle itself." —TILOPA

a day late I know ;)

Like many families, mine is incredibly screwed up, and like a lot of other mother-daughter relationships, ours is complicated enough that even picking out a Mother's Day card can be tricky. I still haven't resolved all of the issues between us, but yesterday I wanted to focus on some of the good things I've inherited or learned. These include:

* blue eyes (the only one of five kids)
* hair that will turn silver
* a love of words and writing
* a love of antiques and collectables
* the ability to stretch a dollar like nobody's business
* the skill to clean house in the most efficient way possible
* an eye for colour/design so that every home looks warm and inviting
* figuring out by example how I do NOT want to live my life
* recognizing the importance of being passionate about something
* most valuable of all, the ability to find humour in almost everything

the life of a tulip

"Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!"

Snort. No, it's not at Christmas that I clearly empathize with the Grinch (although, depending on the kind of year I've had, LOL), but when the weather turns warmer and the windows get flung open and I have to listen to other people's music, that's when you'll hear me reciting the familiar line above. I mean, it's bad enough having to be privy to people's inane yakking on cell phones everywhere (what, you can't go for a walk or bus ride without talking to someone?), but being forced to listen to someone else's music is one of my major pet peeves. Being a not-quite-recovered-enough curmudgeon, I have MANY pet peeves, wink, but that one is probably the biggest. Maybe it's because I love the sound of stillness (although I don't mind things like birds chirping or trains whistling), or maybe it's because if I do have background music on it's likely to be of the classical variety. No, what I don't understand is people's need to have their car stereos blasting, or worse, bringing their radios outside with them. Um, hello? What makes you think I want to listen to your crappy music? Why should I have to be subjected to that? And why are you so afraid of silence? As far as I'm concerned it's all noise pollution. I appear to fall in the minority though as music is everywhere and others don't seem to mind it as much.

But who is the worst offender on our street? If you guessed the lawnmower man who lives right across from me, then you're absolutely right. And is it the mowing of the sidewalk that bothers me the most? No, even though I think it's quite insane, that I can handle (even at three hours at a time), as it doesn't happen every day. Now, you might think me positively loony when you read what I'm about to say next, but it's his whistling that drives me around the bend. I know, I know, it doesn't seem such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but his whistling is so high-pitched and shrill and loud and constant that I can hear it clearly at the back of the house, and even when I'm watching TV. No matter what the volume, his whistling (and he does it for hours on end) pierces through so that I have no choice but to close the windows. Does it bother others as well? Yes. Can I talk to him about it? No. After a, um, incident a couple of years ago (remember, I'm curmudgeonly), we are no longer on speaking terms. Have I considered strangling him with my bare hands? Yes, of course I have! Snort. In fact, enough people have heard me confess to wanting to do exactly that, so if a homicide were to occur more than one suspecting finger would rightly be pointed my way. Okay, I exaggerate, but it's not like I can call the police to report him. Can you imagine the exchange that would take place?

Police officer: What seems to be the problem Ma'am?
Me: My neighbour is making too much noise.
Police officer: How, specifically?
Me: Um, he's whistling. But really loud!
Police officer: [silence at first] Ma'am, is this a crank call?
Me: No! And you have to do something about it! Please?
Police officer: [click]

LOL

No, I don't think THAT would go over very well. I'm just going to have to practise being Zen-like as much as possible, I suppose. And enjoy the times when he's NOT whistling. But hey, blogging about it sure helped! ;)

hmmm, maybe I should try this?

Snort.

Cagney & Lacey

Anyone remember this show? It ran from 1982 to 1988 and was one of my favourites. I loved the characters (two strong female cops in a male-dominant profession played by Sharon Gless and Tyne Daly), their friendship, the storylines, and the exploration of personal/social issues. What has stayed with me the most though is the memory of the twinges of envy I used to feel watching any given episode, and recognizing years later that what I had been envious or wistful of was their passion. It didn't matter if they were tired or bored or had personal problems; they always seemed committed and passionate about their work. Struggling at the time with what I was going to do when I grew up, I hoped that there was work that I could be equally fervent about. I STILL don't know what to do when I grow up, snort, although I do have a better sense of what it is I love.

Well, it's the show's 25th anniversary (what, WHERE did the time go?) and MGM Home Video is releasing Season 1 (technically season two when Sharon Gless replaced the original actress) on DVD today. It also contains a two-part documentary and commentary from Gloria Steinem. Hurray!

ta da!

Decided that since I no longer have a tulip outside, I'd buy and bring one indoors! I'll be taking a photograph each day until it no longer blooms (kind of a time-lapse project) and will post the sequence of photos when complete.

Be pink, my pretty! :)

sunday humour

snippet

At 3 minutes and 4 seconds after 2am on May 6th of this year (only a few hours away!), the time and date will be 02:03:04/05.06.07.

Make of that what you will! ;)

art is good for the heart

in the bathroom

in my kitchen

and in my computer room!

There's a sale at our local Hamilton Art Gallery this weekend, which I'm hoping to get to although a part of me thinks I shouldn't tempt myself. I'm only allowed to window shop, but have gotten into trouble before at various art shows when I've made that vow, LOL. Still, if I leave the credit cards at home there's little real danger this time. And since I enjoy the pieces of original art I already have, I thought I'd share my three favourites with you. They're bright, cheerful, whimsical, full of life (the artist paints in such a way that the pictures seem almost animated), and they make me happy. The last reason is the best reason, in my opinion, to buy art because even though these paintings are the only thing of any real monetary value in my humble abode (literally everything else is second-hand) and could be considered a future financial investment, I'd never sell them anyway. They're mine. ALL MINE. But you're welcome to have a look. ;)

one of our cherry trees!

my neighbour's tulip

The photo's a bit dark, but you can see some of the white peeking out. I'm so jealous! But hey, at least I get to enjoy it as well. :)

a few laws of the universe ;)

from the inbox:

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Law of Variation:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.

Law of Consumer Products:
As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it.

And a new law proposed by sender of forwarded email:

Law of Gardening:
A lone tulip in the garden will be eaten only hours before it's ready to bloom!

still can't believe it

The tulip bandit has struck again! I woke up this morning to see the awful sight above. The worst part is that it looked as if it was going to bloom soon (wish I'd taken another picture!), and the ironic part is that its life ended the same day it did last year.

There are lessons to be learned from all this I suppose, e.g., life is short, don't take anything for granted, etc., but I'm not really in the mood for lessons right now. Once again I have no idea of its colour (it was still hard to tell yesterday), so I've decided that it would have been a deep pink, like the luscious tulips in the post below.

Not sure if I'll still be here next year (you never know when renting), but if I am I won't be taking any chances. Come fall I'll plant a bunch of tulips of my own (safety in numbers?) and see what happens.

Aw, poor little tulip....

think pink!